HomeschoolinG: How to support these families and what not to say
Image of chalkboard with hand writing with chalk “HomeSchool”
I never thought we would be a homeschooling family; for me it was an unfamiliar path until my second child was on the way. A very dear neighbor was starting with her now school age children and I asked what made her come to that decision, I was genuinely curious as no one I knew (or that I knew of) was homeschooled. So we had tea once a week and just talked life; I watched her sweet family gather at the table while we talked and they would work in their workbooks and eventually go off and play together! As my first was getting closer and closer to school age I began to panic. What about the school shootings? What about homework? I had number three on the way, am I sending them on the bus or will I be waiting in the carpool line with a newborn screaming at me for an hour? Gosh this was stressful! But then thinking of homeschooling was also! Where do I start? Will the state come arrest me if my child isn't reading by 6? What about standardized testing? What about curriculum (oh that is a week worth of writing in itself)?
Image of chalkboard books and pencil holder with Apple
In the end, this sweet friend reminded me of the end goal. Each state is different in their requirements, but the end goal is an educated well rounded human. In the end it will not matter when they start to read, or learn to count to 100 (really!) because as the human brain develops in each of these angels sent here for us to care for; they will find their way, they will learn, and they will get there. And they will not get a medal for being there first, but whenever they do get there, they will have the reward of knowledge and a love for learning gained. A Love of learning. Those words hit me hard—I do want my children to love learning, but did I love learning? I only found this love of learning in my adult life after the pressure to do it for a test, for a grade, for a degree stopped. Everyone's path is different, and public/private/montessori or co-ops are all something each family will have to choose, and there is no right or wrong, just different paths! But if you find yourself feeling uncomfortable feelings in conversation with a homeschooling family (no we are not all the same), there are some supportive things you could consider saying! Here are a few, and maybe a few things not to say, because those are also not helpful!
Children practicing their ABCs on the floor
Consider supporting with kind words:
-Not all homeschool families may have siblings that get along all the time, but their bonds are strong from time spent exploring together, complement their family dynamic!
-Compliment all the information the children do know, their thirst for knowledge, their questions they ask trying to find out things!
-Those parents hold many conversations throughout their time with the children showing them things, discussing things and working on guiding the children to enjoy their time and their life as it comes without the pressures of testing constantly, but more use.
-Beyond strong bonds with siblings (if there are any) the children are generally also creative and happy to have time to themselves to explore, consider interacting with them one on one, saying “wow! You have learned so much!” These words can help a child feel like they are floating on clouds for the day!
Kids running and playing outside in the yard
What not to say:
-Aren't you worried about Socialization? (are they farm animals?) We as a family have lots of friends and family outside the home- school is not the only place to make friends!
-Aren't you worried they are behind? (behind what? All brains develop differently) That’s the freedom of being home schooled! No one else to measure up to and learning on their own time!
-They won't know how to be in the real world (They experience it and talk about it every day, following the parent's example)
-They won't know how to problem solve bullies. (Is this really something limited to schools only? They are out there in the neighborhood, they are out there in the work force. Less than kind humans are all over, even in the grocery store, the parents help them learn how to deal with those situations in real time.)
-Aren't you worried they won't get into college? (This is probably a top concern for all homeschooling parents yet is maybe not even the way we should be thinking. This is equivalent to what about them taking the SATs – they will study just like the rest did, and again teaching them to study for a test vs seeing their life as a test vs something to enjoy. How about alternatively considering that child may want something different like a trade school-the world is changing beyond what we can even imagine by the time they will get to college age, it may be a different set of measures by then. Most home schooled high schoolers can take college classes in high school as well!)